We asked Pastoral Care Coordinator Christie Zipparo the question.
Why is it so hard to talk about death?
It’s hard to talk about death because it’s so final. People don’t really like to talk about death because it’s not a nice topic. It’s hard for us to accept as humans that death is actually part of life.
It can be very hard to find someone who wants to have a conversation about death. That’s where the beauty of pastoral care comes in. Because pastoral carers are prepared to go to that place and to take time and to hear about people’s fears or thoughts.
As a pastoral carer, my approach is to attempt to build a relationship with that person, so that there can be a sense of trust.
Often the first time I meet someone they’re not going to want to hear anything about the topic of death. But once they’ve met me, they start to feel more settled, they open up and start to ask questions. I don’t usually force the issue at all, I try to wait until it seems that they’re ready to talk about it. Then I’ll be fairly direct and yet gentle.
I perhaps ask them, “How are you feeling about where you’re up to at the moment?”
What’s the biggest misconception of palliative care?
People think palliative means that you are right at the end of life, which isn’t really true. When you’re diagnosed with a life-limiting illness, that’s when the care becomes palliative, technically speaking. A person who’s been diagnosed with cancer, motor neurone disease or dementia for example, very often they are going to live for quite some time yet.
End-of-life care is totally different from palliative care. End-of-life care is about us trying to help the person to really live until their final breath.
My very favourite quote is from Dame Cecily Saunders. She’s a pioneer of palliative care.
“You matter because you are you. You matter until the day you die. We promise to help you live until you take your very last breath.”
And for me is what palliative care is all about.